My arts practice often functions as a coping mechanism for the varying stresses of everyday life. I create, perform, respond and plan based on the circumstances that impact me. This is not unlike anyone else other than the method of my responses which is also not unique yet representative of attempting “uniqueness”. As a contemporary artist, my efforts often follow a connectivity between thinkers and could be viewed as a response to that connectivity at times.
Recently, I suffered several traumatic incidents in my life and found coping to be difficult. It became hard to enthuse towards arts actions at all. In the past, I found these feelings triggered impulses to reaffirm connections to place and through these connections I reaffirm self. Today, I wanted a physical connection to place, to home, so I attempted to walk in the forest near my house. I stripped down to feel the cold air and the ice and snow under my feet.
Part way through my walk, I realize the snow is roughly 3 feet deep with layers of ice throughout. I had thought that I could walk on the packed ice which cuts my feet like broken glass. Although this experience reaffirmed my locality, it resulted in sustaining several injuries to my hands, feet and abdomen. By the time I walk into the frame set up by my camera, I have already overexerted and injured myself and now focus on escaping. What started as a walk has become a long series of life threatening falling downs.
The things we want in life often involve obstacles that we may not be capable of overcoming. Failing in one way is succeeding in another and allows me to realize things that I was not planning. Through this work, my own fragility is realized, explored and awakened. I feel like I learned more about myself by falling down than through walking. Learned more about my limitations and an openness towards my circumstances. Not all places are supposed to be welcoming, attempting uniqueness is overrated and being part of the connectivity within contemporary arts hurts sometimes.